Opinion: A cruise deal is your Black Friday necessity

Public conception puts you in a rut. When it comes to buying a car, you need to keep up with the neighbours. When it boils down to food, you need to shop at Waitrose. And when it comes to holiday planning, society dictates taking a mundane beach break – where you suffer the flight from hell before sand inevitably invades your personal belongings and everyone feels bored after a few short hours.

Never mind, only another week of abundant sameness and you can then fictionalise your trip during the next round of neighbourhood one-upmanship. Brenda may brag about driving the new Audi over that weekly cheese and wine, but you’ve been on a hang-gliding expedition where you met Kate Middleton and each day brought the family closer together. Such an enlightening trip to the Algarve. N’awwww.

Everyone smiles and nods, and you know that they aren’t buying it, and they know that you know that they know. You had another monotonous beach holiday, and that shallow feeling of unfulfilment keeps life stagnant and hollow. Time to head to Waitrose and cheer yourself up by spending £89.99 on butter.

However, it doesn’t need to be this way. For the same price as a commonplace resort break, you can book a cruise that offers five-star luxury, endless entertainment, and meals that resemble more than something concocted in a microwave by Chef Boyarwe-Screwed. Ask yourself the question – another beach resort, or a soul-searching cruise actually endorsed by Kate Middleton as a cruise godmother?

The answer is as clear as the Caribbean waters you’ll be sailing on, especially when Black Friday rolls around. Let’s face it, if you’re not jumping on a cruise deal on the biggest shopping day of the year, you’re missing out in a colossal way. And it’s not all about shoving Brenda’s face in it. This is about you and your family. Or you without your family. Who are we to judge?

Yes, Black Friday can provide deals across all the holiday options, but there’s really no competition when it boils down to value for money. In our humble opinion, you’ll find the best travel deals on the planet by browsing offers made by cruise lines on Black Friday. Brenda and her beach holiday can suck it.

Black Friday: The gladiator pit of retail

This is when civilised shopping goes completely off the rails. Flat-screen TVs are torn from shelves, elbows are used as a weapon, and if you’re not careful, a stray shopping cart (filled with discounted fitness DVDs) could take out your kneecaps.

You might walk away with a discounted toaster, but at what cost? Will it really toast away the trauma of seeing Karen from the next cul-de-sac rugby-tackle a teenage boy for the last PlayStation? Rumour states that he's now learning to walk again.

Let’s be honest, you’ll need survival skills, battle armour, and probably a GPS to find the exit once the madness begins. And that’s after training from John Rambo.

But here’s the thing. While others are out there risking their limbs for electronics they don’t really need, you could be at home sipping on a cup of hot chocolate, calmly scrolling through cruise deals in the peace and quiet of your living room.

No wrestling, no stress, just you and the blissful knowledge that, soon, you’ll be kicking back on a luxury liner, cocktail in hand. Why fight for a discount blender when you could be fighting over that last piece from your third helping of buffet cake?

Black Friday cruise deals: The all-inclusive dream

Now, let’s talk Black Friday holidays. You could book a regular package holiday, sure. Maybe head off to an all-inclusive resort that offers unlimited watered-down cocktails and a buffet consisting of the Hilton’s leftovers.

Or, you could go on a cruise, where food is presented like a work of art, drinks flow like the Nile, and you’re not confined to one overcrowded strip of beach. On a cruise, every day offers new adventures and new destinations without the hassle of changing hotels or squeezing into a sardine-can of a rental car that smells suspiciously like bleach and anguish.

Plus, where else but on a cruise can you visit multiple countries, all while unpacking only once? That’s the kind of logistical wizardry no package holiday can compete with.

As others rush between oversubscribed transfers amid a trail of clothes from a hastily packed and unzipped suitcase, you’ll be cruising the Mediterranean, waking up in Italy for pizza, and then sailing off to Greece for a sunset over the Aegean Sea.

Your biggest worry is which of the nine gourmet restaurants on board you’ll grace with your presence that evening. It’s like living in a Bond movie, minus the international carnage, but with all the martinis. Shaken, stirred or poured over your cereal. Who are we to judge?

Black Friday cruise deals: It’s practically stealing

Now, let’s circle back to Black Friday. Travel companies practically throw discounts at you. You’ll be scrolling through offers so jaw-droppingly intense that you’ll wonder if there’s been a clerical error. Sometimes, that’s actually the case. Theft has never been so legalised before.

This is the moment you’ve been waiting for. You’ll find deals that slash prices by up to 50 per cent, and it’s not just for the interior cabins where your window view is a wall festooned with malnourished potted plants. On the contrary.

You can bag yourself a balcony cabin where sipping champagne remains mandatory as you sail into the sunset, knowing you’ve paid less than what Janet down the street spent on her lacklustre trip to an all-inclusive resort.

Janet may proclaim to have had the time of her life, but behind those vacant eyes, you know she endured each evening’s out-of-tune cover band and caught food poisoning. The only thing more occupied than the bar was her en suite toilet.

Furthermore, have you ever experienced that feeling when you come back from a holiday and require a holiday from your holiday? That’s because your so-called 'holiday' was a logistical nightmare of transfers, taxis, and that one tour bus that caused your children to scream uncontrollably for a fortnight.

On a cruise, you avoid all that hassle. You board once, unpack once, and from there on out, the only thing you have to manage is your relaxation schedule. A massage in the spa before lunch, or perhaps a dip in the infinity pool? Decisions, decisions.

And let’s not forget, cruises are the epitome of worry-free holidays. With Black Friday cruise deals, you get everything wrapped into one neat package: accommodation, meals, entertainment, and more. You don’t have to lift a finger unless you’re deciding which excursion to take.

Cruising wins every time

We’ve all been there, stuck in a cramped hotel room, listening to the dulcet tones of snoring through paper-thin walls. If you’ve been really unlucky, you’ve also had the deafening hum of the ice machine as it apparently vibrates toward your door wanting to cause you harm.

Say goodbye to that. On a cruise, the world is your oyster. And we mean that quite literally, if you’ve got a penchant for seafood. One day your lounging on the sundeck, the next, you’re stepping off to explore a tropical paradise or a cultural gem.

There’s no need to limit yourself to one place, one vibe, or one mediocre restaurant where the waiting staff hate you on a molecular level. A cruise gives you choices, plenty of them, and without the hassle of coordinating flights, transfers, or awkwardly navigating foreign taxi apps. As it turns out, Onaka ga akimashita does not mean “Taxi, please”.

And let’s talk about entertainment. A regular holiday might offer you a couple of shows, maybe a magic act, if you’re lucky. But a cruise? It’s like Broadway met Vegas and eloped together. You’ve got live comedy, musicians, and even ice skating shows at sea. No, really – ice skating. At sea. Try getting that on a package holiday.

So, where has this ramble concluded? Booking a Black Friday cruise deal is like hitting the holiday jackpot, while everyone else is stuck bickering over discount electronics.

Why settle for the same old holiday when you can have an all-inclusive, floating luxury resort that takes you to multiple dream destinations? Why deal with airport stress, hotel disappointments, or the tyranny of limited restaurant options when you can have it all on a cruise?

So, this Black Friday, resist the urge to wrestle someone for a half-price vacuum cleaner. Stay home, stay cosy, and secure the best deal you’ll ever find on a holiday that doesn’t just knock your socks off. It hands them back neatly folded after they’ve been laundered in your luxury cabin.

While others are limping home from Black Friday combat, you’ll be counting down the days until you set sail on the adventure of a lifetime. When you are forced to attend the next cheese and wine social with Brenda, Karen and Janet, those holiday brags won’t be hollow. And although they won’t act jealous, they’ll know that you know that they know.