The magical mystery cruise

My search for an inspirational gift in September 2019 sprang unexpectedly from a mailshot offering a Mystery Cruise coinciding with my husband Llew’s birthday. Boom! Job done.

Yes, we needed passports. Yes, we should bring clothing for both hot and cold weather, for only the captain would know our destinations. And so the frisson of fun began. I wondered how the company would be able to capitalise on their normal high-earning shore-based trips?

The brochure was a delight of clever, teasing, creative writing offering a visit to an unspecified ‘site of great historic interest and ‘a palace with wonderful gardens and cream tea’. It was a leap of faith to book outings, taking a chance that Fred Olsen would live up to its usual quality.

Living so close to Heathrow we had never made the most of the chauffeur service so, on this occasion, I took advantage to be taken to Newcastle and negotiated the journey three days prior to our departure which allowed us to meet friends and explore the city.

We all enjoyed the first of our birthday celebrations by the wonderful Tynemouth seaside which was my inaugural visit.

On joining the ship, the mystery aspect really got people talking and proved an ice-breaker with the four like-minded excited souls sharing our table. All bets were on as there were many choices of destination for our first port of call on the following morning.

Bing-bong. “Welcome passengers at 8am on this bright sunny morning you have arrived in – Great Yarmouth!” However, the swell of the North Sea made it impossible to dock before 11am – too late for those who had booked the pricey trip which turned out to be Sandringham Palace.

Instead, the coaches would have to take us to the centre of Great Yarmouth, causing ructions from certain disgruntled passengers who failed to understand the rules of seafaring. Some were not happy as they had only yesterday travelled up from Norfolk or thereabouts to join the ship.

We got our trip money reimbursed and took the complimentary shuttle bus into a town that I fondly remembered as an eight-year-old captivated by the sticks of rock – to this day, I remain amazed at how the makers get letters running throughout.

Meanwhile, the mayor and his entourage had been on the pier to welcome our ship, Balmoral – the first cruise ship to dock in Great Yarmouth’s new port.

The mayor’s appearance was slightly marred by the Daily Mail running a piece depicting our mystery cruise as a joke event, having been tipped off by a passenger displeased about the change to the itinerary. Oh please, get with the programme people – it says it on the tin, ’a mystery cruise’ – and safety always usurps palaces of any denomination.

Next up was Dunkirk, France, and our tour included the D-Day beaches, a terrific museum, and a visit to a war cemetery with an informative guide who worked for the War Graves Commission.

Dinner was special as the waiters made a fuss of Llew on his birthday and our engaging table sang Congratulations. The ship was buzzing with the day’s activities and anticipation for the next port of call.

Antwerp in Belgium was new to us but one passenger complained: ”I’ve been here three times before.” Again, what part of mystery do you not understand?

The ship docked within easy access of the delightful medieval town with attractive buildings and a hostelry of our choosing. In a traditional beer shop, I even picked up a few bottles with quirky labels in anticipation of Christmas gifts.

Holland was our next stop – not the usual cruise docking of central Amsterdam but a regional commercial port that gave us a chance to visit Dutch countryside with a local windmill and cheese shop among traditional housing which provided a charming day out.

So following the north European coast and an interesting journey through the Kiel Canal gave us a clue and everyone was thinking of Gdansk in Poland. However, we awoke in the lesser-known port of Swinoujscie, close to Germany, where a bus took us across the border to a wonderful stretch of seaside Ahlbeck.

A sumptuous beach, promenade and pier with deckchair pods on a warm, sunny day in September ticked all the boxes. Great Yarmouth could learn a lot.

Crossing the Baltic Sea, we arrived straight onto the quay of Malmo in Sweden and took a walk around the port town which boasts a lot of interesting maritime heritage. In a coffee shop, we took advantage of the complimentary WiFi to call the kids at home who were intrigued to hear of our mystery landings.

There was still puzzlement about our remaining stop but our table guests were an utter delight for conversation and shared interests. It is always such an unknown quantity to be thrown together with complete strangers but we definitely lucked out.

Indeed as remarkable as it sounds, at another table there was a couple celebrating a big wedding anniversary with their daughters. As it happens, I had worked with both individuals before they were married and it was a huge surprise to stumble across them on board – while our mutual friend back home was astounded by the coincidence.

Our final stop was an obscure seaside village in Denmark where I went shopping for some Danish Blue cheese. I had acquired quite a haul of souvenirs by now to take home – what with my rock for the grandchildren, beer for my son, and Dutch scarf with tulips for my daughter – as well as a myriad of wonderful tales from our mystery cruise.

All told, I can highly recommend a mystery cruise – but you do need to play the game and keep an open mind to enjoy the intrigue to the maximum.